by Carolyn Langlie-Lesnik | Aug 6, 2013 | Uncategorized |
Going to Baltimore again this year with my daughter for the Heat it to Beat It walk….always enjoy it and am looking forward to it again! If any of you will be there, please let me know so we can meet up! I will again have a booth for my organization, the Appendix Cancer Connection. I will be giving out free appendix cancer ribbons this year! I love meeting other appendix cancer survivors at the walk, and always love seeing and talking to Dr. Armando Sardi.
Will try to post pictures when we get back!
by Carolyn Langlie-Lesnik | Jul 30, 2013 | Uncategorized |
I didn’t realize it’s been almost 9 months since I’ve posted! I used to try to post weekly, not sure what became of that. When I posted more frequently and occasionally went a month between posts, people used to worry I was sick, that my cancer had come back.
I am doing well and am now 12 years cancer free, can you believe it? This year was a landmark, in a sense. For many years I had all of my cancer dates in my head…date of diagnosis, date of surgery, date I finished treatment. I always awaited the date of my surgery, as that is the date my surgeon told me I was initially cancer-free. So that date in my mind was always my annual survival date. I would never tell someone I was a five year survivor unless it was past my 5 year date..not even on the day before. Didn’t want to jinx myself?
Well, this year I actually forgot the date!! Was it May 12th or May 16th? Cancer for the first time wasn’t in the forefront of my thoughts. My daughter’s best friend sent me a congrats on your cancer anniversary text on the 16th…..turns out I had told her years ago and it happened to also be her birthday, so she remembered. But it was a relief not to be obsessed with the date anymore. But it took 12 years?
And while I don’t live in fear of my cancer returning anymore, cancer has still left me changed. I no longer feel safe in the way I did before cancer. After cancer we always feel a vulnerability that others don’t. Before cancer I accepted I would one day die, but actually facing that reality puts a different spin on that knowledge. We still always know the bottom can drop out of our lives at any time and in a sense almost anticipate it now? Getting older doesn’t help, either. Something about getting an often terminal disease that only affects one in 10 million kinda makes you feel the odds may not be in your favor?
But I can now plan for a future….for many years I could not plan life past the next scheduled CT scan (I don’t get scanned anymore). For years I could not make future plans or say the words “next year”. Now I can. For years I only had agency or PRN (as needed) jobs with no commitment….now I teach at a college and have commitments to students and a 401K. I’m in school for a degree I won’t obtain until 2015. I can’t plan 10 or 20 years into the future, but maybe five? Definitely progress!
by Carolyn Langlie-Lesnik | Nov 20, 2012 | Uncategorized |
The book was very inspiring. It was written by Care Tuk, an 11-time cancer survivor. While she didn’t have appendix cancer, she had several other cancers, including ovarian, which is similar to ours. This is the discription of her book posted on Amazon.com:
“Obstacles and adversity are common to us all. But turning challenges into opportunities and difficulties into adventures is the hallmark of a powerful, fruitful, joyful life.
Like many, you probably won’t believe the story of Care Tuk. Eleven separate bouts with cancer. Eleven separate victories. A near-death car crash at the hands of a drunk driver. A brain bleed that left her speechless and nearly immobile. Ravaged by the painful side effects of DES (Diethylstilbestrol) – an experimental drug intended to save her life – her body is held together by bolts, screws, titanium plates, and 25-pound mono-filament fishing line. You can’t find a more dramatic, heart-wrenching, raw, honest, and inspiring story than that of Care. It is a story of hope, a message of strength, and a tale of one amazing lady who overcame the odds and found significance and meaning in it all.”
We all struggle with uncertainty after a cancer diagnosis, but can you imagine facing that many cancer diagnoses and still managing to live a full and productive life!?
by Carolyn Langlie-Lesnik | Nov 7, 2012 | Uncategorized |
I am republishing this post from a wonderful blog written by Cameron Von St. James about his experience as the spouse of a cancer survivor. His wife, shortly after giving birth to their first child, was diagnosed with mesothelioma. She is now more than a 5 year survivor! She was treated by Dr. Sugarbaker. The link to his blog is: Cameron’s Blog
His wife, Heather Von St. James also has a great blog about her journey. Her latest post is about scanxiety…which we all experience:
mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/heather/
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The Other Side of The Equation; How I Coped With My Wife’s Diagnosis
My wife has often commented she can’t imagine what I went through after her mesothelioma diagnosis. I have only really talked to her once about my experiences as a caregiver and with this I hope to share more.
A Shocking Diagnosis
Three months prior to her diagnosis we celebrated the birth of our first and only child; our daughter Lily. We went from a time of great joy and promise to a period of fear and uncertainty. I can remember the day the doctors said “mesothelioma” for the first time. I remember looking into my wife’s eyes as she was crying from the news thinking,
“how are we ever going to get through this?”
I was feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of breaking down, when suddenly, the doctors questions about future medical choices brought me back to reality. That was the first of many days in which I would feel emotionally overwhelmed and still be required to make difficult life decisions with my wife.
Hardships & Sacrifices
Immediately following the diagnosis I was full of rage, anger and fear. At times, I was reduced to communicating with others by using only profanity. This included members of the Church and medical community. Fortunately, with time I was able to control my emotions a little bit better. I realized I had to be strong for my wife and daughter. They were depending on me. I had my moments, but I always tried to be strong when I was around my wife. I never wanted her to see my fears. I needed to be her rock, a source of optimism and stability. As with many things, this is easier said than done.
Right after the diagnosis there were many days where I had an impossibly long to-do list. I had to deal with everything, from work and travel arrangements, to caring for our daughter and pets. At first I was overwhelmed but I quickly learned to prioritize and focus on the most important tasks. I also learned to accept the many offers of help we received from others. We were blessed to have so many people offer to help during this time. I am not sure what I would have done without all these wonderful people in our lives. However, even with all of the help, I still felt overcome with the responsibilities at times.
There was a two-month period in particular that Heather can’t imagine what I went through. It was directly following her surgery in Boston. Heather had flown to South Dakota to spend time with her parents, recovering from the surgery and preparing for the next phase of treatment, chemotherapy and radiation. Our daughter was also staying with Heather’s parents while I was home, working and trying to keep our heads above water. During this time I only saw Heather and Lily once.
One Friday after work, I drove the 11 hours through the night, in the middle of a late season snowstorm to see them. I slept a few hours in the car, hoping the snowplows would have time to clear the roads. When I arrived Saturday morning I was exhausted. I spent the rest of Saturday and a little time on Sunday morning with them before hopping back in the car and driving the 11 hours back home to be at work Monday morning.
No Regrets
While it was extremely difficult for me to be away from my wife and daughter, I never look at this time as a loss. Instead, I realize it was the choice that made the most sense. There was no way I would have been able to take care of Lily and work at the same time. I don’t look back at this, or any of the other difficult choices we made with regret. I accept them as things we needed to do. The cancer diagnosis forced us to make many difficult choices, but I took comfort in the fact that we could still make choices.
If I learned anything during this difficult time it was to accept the offers of help from others, and to take comfort in the fact that having the ability make choices, although extremely challenging, was a way for us to maintain a level of control during a time of such uncertainty.
by Carolyn Langlie-Lesnik | Aug 22, 2012 | Uncategorized |
I am again going to Baltimore for the third Heat It To Beat It walk. It is a great event, and though new, has been amazingly successful. Hundreds of thousands of dollars have been raised to fight abdominal cancers like ours that respond to cytoreduction surgery and intraperitoneal chemotherapy. I was almost in tears when I was there last year as I saw so many people who cared about helping us beat our cancer. It was so inspiring.
I created an Appendix Cancer Connection team this year…if you want to meet us in Baltimore or support our walk, check out this link: Appendix Cancer Connection Team
I love that when I am there I get to meet some of you I have before only known via email! Hope to meet some of you there! I’ll have a booth…and this year you can also meet my daughter, who will travel with me!
