It was recently suggested to me that I add a blog to my website, that I personalize my site a bit. My daughter created an anonymous blog, an on-line journal, over a year ago. At the time the concept seemed appalling to me. I’m from the day when journals were called diaries. We wrote down our thoughts in small books that we locked with keys and hid under our beds. We wanted no one to have access to our innermost thoughts and feelings. The concept of publishing those thoughts to an international billboard, even anonymously, was beyond my comprehension.
I’ve since been thinking about a Christian author I admire, though. What I admire most about him is his honesty, his willingness to share with the world thoughts that most would keep hidden. Philip Yancy wrote that the topics of his books are the issues of faith that he struggles with. He seeks answers to questions we all have but are afraid to verbalize, “Where is God When it Hurts?”, “Prayer, Does it Make any Difference?”, “Disappointment with God:Three Questions No One Asks Aloud”. In writing his books he is searching for answers himself, and in reading his books I feel grateful for being allowed to safely tag along on a road he is bold enough to travel.
In communicating with many cancer patients since my own diagnosis, I’ve found we all share struggles that we don’t always talk about with friends and family. We find that after cancer treatment is completed, we are unable to go back to our “normal” lives, the normal we knew is forever gone. We have unanswered questions that resound in our heads, we have feelings and thoughts we are sometimes afraid to express. Part of surviving cancer, though, is finding those answers and coming to terms with what we think and feel. Surviving is also the reconstruction of our lives, the reconstruction of our hearts and minds and souls. It is the recreation of a new “normal”.
In this blog I will recount my own ongoing attempt at reconstructing my life along with the challenges I’ve faced and continue to face as I try to make sense of my life after cancer. I promise to be as honest as I know how to be. I will ask the questions out loud. I will express the thoughts and feelings I’ve had as a cancer survivor. I’d love for you to tag along.